According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Son Who Hadn’t Seen His Mother in Years Returns to Find Her Home in Ruins
Adam had not visited his mother for years, becoming distant after he started his own life. One day, he needed to pick up some documents from her house, only to find it in ruins and abandoned.
Diana Evans raised Adam alone, working tirelessly to provide for him and pay for his education. After he graduated from high school, he chose to attend a university far away in New York. Though it made her sad, Diana supported Adam’s decision to study and live in New York while she remained in California. In the beginning, they stayed in touch, and he called her whenever he had the chance.
Unfortunately, Diana never managed to visit Adam during his college years. Their communication mainly happened through phone calls, which gradually decreased over time, but she valued their conversations.
As graduation approached, Adam called his mother to invite her. Diana felt immense pride and excitement. She wanted nothing more than to see her son walk across the stage to receive his diploma.
After the call, Diana searched for flights to New York. To her surprise, the tickets were quite expensive, and she realized she didn’t have enough money for a round-trip ticket and a special gift for Adam’s graduation. Determined to make it work, she took on extra babysitting jobs to save up. After working long hours, she finally had enough money to buy her ticket and a gift.
While shopping, she decided on a nice watch, thinking every professional should have one. After making her purchase, she excitedly asked the sales clerk to wrap it beautifully, explaining that it was a gift for her son who was graduating from a top university.
A few days later, Diana flew to New York. Adam picked her up from the airport, and together they went to his campus for the graduation ceremony. Diana couldn’t contain her excitement as she snapped pictures. When Adam received his diploma, she cheered loudly, bursting with pride.
After the ceremony, they embraced warmly, sharing heartfelt congratulations. They went out to a nice restaurant for dinner, and even though Diana worried about the bill, Adam insisted on treating her, expressing his gratitude for all she had done for him.
Overcome with emotion, Diana felt grateful for the kind man Adam had become. She handed him the gift she had brought, and he was delighted to find the watch inside. He promised to wear it every day as a reminder of her support. That night, they enjoyed their time together, taking photos and exploring the sights of New York.
A few days later, Diana had to return to California. She felt lonely thinking about being back home without him. Adam assured her that he would try to visit, promising to keep in touch. Sadly, those calls became less frequent until they eventually stopped altogether. Diana began to feel lonely and depressed, struggling with her health and appetite. Despite her attempts to reach out, Adam was busy with work and his relationship, making only occasional calls to check in.
Eventually, Adam decided to establish his own firm in New York and needed some documents from California. Instead of asking his mother to send them, he flew back home unexpectedly. However, upon arriving, he was shocked by the state of the house.
The once vibrant home was now in disrepair, with cobwebs and broken fences. Inside, it was empty except for some ruined furniture. Adam tried calling his mother but received no answer, so he went to a neighbor for information.
The neighbor revealed that a recent storm had caused significant damage to their home. Diana hadn’t had the funds to repair it and had moved into a nursing home to avoid burdening Adam. Shocked and filled with guilt, Adam rushed to the nursing home. When he saw his mother, frail and in a wheelchair, he felt overwhelmed with regret for not being there for her when she needed him most.
Diana, relieved and touched to see her son, encouraged him to rise from the ground, but he remained there, expressing his sorrow for neglecting her. Adam promised never to let her be alone again, vowing to take care of her. This time, he kept his promise. He repaired their home and brought her back from the nursing home.
He chose to start his business in California instead of New York and invited his girlfriend to live with them. Together, they created a loving home where Diana felt cherished and happy once more. She helped around the house, cooking meals and keeping everything in order while Adam and his girlfriend worked.
The family found joy in their time together, reminding us that no matter how busy life gets, we should always prioritize our loved ones. A mother’s love is unwavering, and Diana’s hope for a reunion with Adam never faded, proving that love endures even in times of separation.
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