Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
Entitled Neighbor Buried My Pond – I Showed Him Why You Don’t Cross an Older Woman
Brian, Margaret’s conceited neighbor, had no clue the intense, deliberate reaction he would inspire when he filled in her cherished pond while she was gone. Margaret, an elderly woman who appeared to be lonely, came up with a scheme that completely changed Brian’s life. Let me tell you, having seen my fair share of drama, at seventy-four years old. However, nothing could have equipped me for the chaos that broke out in my own backyard.
I’m Margaret, and I’ve spent the last 20 years residing in this quaint little home. It’s been my little piece of paradise, where I’ve seen my three children grow up and now greet my seven grandchildren for weekend cookouts and summer splashes. There is always someone stopping by, bringing love and laughter into the space. The jewel in the crown of my estate? A lovely pond that my beloved grandfather excavated by himself. It has always served as the focal point of our family get-togethers. The grandchildren enjoy playing in it, and to be honest, there are moments when I feel like they care more about the pond than they do about me! Before roughly five years ago, when Brian moved in next door, everything was fine and dandy. That man had a bee in his bonnet about my pond from the very beginning. He would call out across the fence, “Margaret!” I can’t stop staring at those frogs all night! Is there nothing you can do about them? “Oh, Brian, they’re just singing you a lullaby,” I would merely answer with a smile. Without charge!” He, however, was not having it. “And the biting insects! They are proliferating in your pond like crazy! I would respond, “Now, Brian, I keep that pond cleaner than a whistle.” The source of the mosquitoes is most likely the pile of debris in your backyard. He would puff and sputter, but I would get on with my day. I was mistaken to think he would ultimately get used to it. I made the decision to go see my sister who lives in the next state over one day. I was excited for a few days of gin rummy and gossip. I had no idea that when I returned, I would see something that would chill me to the bone.
Upon entering my driveway, I became aware of an irregularity. There was no longer the typical shimmer of water to greet me. It was replaced by… dirt. I heaved myself out of the car, my heart sinking to my toes.Sweet old Mrs. Johnson, my neighbor across the street, hurried over. “Ah, Margaret! I’m so happy you’re back. They claimed to be following directions when I sought to stop them. “Who should stop? What directives?” I was lost in thought, gazing at the muddy area that once held my cherished pond. “Yesterday, a crew stopped by. According to Mrs. Johnson, “some company hired them to empty and refill the pond.” “They had all the paperwork, but I told them you weren’t at home!” I had been taken completely by surprise. In a day, twenty years’ worth of memories vanished. And I knew just who was responsible. I whispered, squeezing my fists, “Brian.” “How are you going to proceed?” With concern imprinted on her features, Mrs. Johnson inquired. I positioned my shoulders squarely. “Well, I’ll let you know what I plan to do. Does that man believe he can bully a kind elderly woman? He’s going to discover the hard way why you never cross a woman like Margaret! I started by giving my relatives a call. Lisa, my daughter, was furious. “Mom, this is not right! We must dial the police number! I said, “Hold your horses, sweetie.””First, we need proof.” Jessie, my granddaughter, spoke forward at that point. “Grandmother! Do you recall the bird camera we installed in the oak tree? Perhaps something got caught in it! As luck would have it, that tiny camera ended up being our covert tool. After watching the video, we could clearly see Brian leading a team to fill up my pond. He appeared to be a young child who had just avoided getting caught stealing cookies from the jar. “You got it,” I said, a smile forming on my face. Brian appeared to assume that since I’m elderly and live alone, I’d just accept it. He had no idea that I was hiding a few tricks from him. My initial action was to give the local environmental department a call. “Hi,” I said in a kind voice. “I want to report that a protected habitat has been destroyed.” Confusion was audible from the individual on the other end. “Habitat protected, ma’am?” “Oh yeah,” I answered. You see, there was a rare species of fish living in my pond. Years ago, I registered it with your organization. And without authorization, someone simply filled it in.When it comes to endangered animals, those agency people don’t play around, I can assure you. After a few days, they were at Brian’s door demanding an eye-watering fine. “We represent the Environmental Protection Agency, sir,” one of the representatives stated. “The illegal destruction of a protected habitat on your neighbor’s property is the reason we are here.” Brian’s expression turned pallid. How come? habitat that is protected? It was merely a pond. “Mr. Thompson, a pond that was home to a rare species of fish that was registered.” We have proof that you destroyed it without the required authority.”This is absurd!” Brian’s voice rose as he sputtered. “That elderly woman’s pond was a bother! I was being helpful to the neighborhood!That “favor,” sir, carries a $50,000 penalties for breaking environmental protection regulations. Brian was in complete shock. “Fifty thou—You have to be kidding! It’s all a miscommunication. The pond was that. I overheard their chat in private and had to smile. I wasn’t finished, though. With all due respect, my grandson Ethan is a highly successful lawyer in the city. I rang him. “Ethan, sweetie,” I spoke. “How about helping your grandmother take a stern look at a bully in the neighborhood?” Ethan was only too glad to assist. Brian was issued with papers for mental distress and property damage before he could pronounce “frivolous lawsuit.” I could have stopped there, but I needed to play one more card.
Karen, Brian’s wife, had always seemed like a good person. I decided it was time for a quick conversation after seeing her get home from work one evening. “Evening, Karen,” I murmured. “A moment, please?” Despite her fatigue, she managed a smile. Naturally, Margaret. What are your thoughts?I told her the truth about the pond and invited her over for a cup of tea. I told her about the fish and frogs, the kids learning to swim in it, my grandfather digging it, and the summer nights spent by it. As I spoke, Karen’s expression changed from bewildered to horrified. “Margaret, I didn’t know,” she exclaimed. “Brian informed me that the pond was filled per the city’s order for security.” “All right,” I patted her hand. “You understand the truth now.” The days that followed were peaceful. When Brian’s automobile vanished, the rumors in the neighborhood spread like wildfire. Word got out that after finding out what Brian had done, Karen had asked him to leave. Then, one morning, I heard equipment rumbling when I woke up. I almost lost my balance when I glanced out my window. My yard was being worked by a crew, and they were digging! Running outside, I saw Karen in charge of everything. She grinned at the sight of me. “Good morning, Margaret. If it’s okay with you, I felt that it was time to make things right. It came out that Karen had contracted with workers to fix my pond. She confided in me while we observed them at work. She murmured, “Brian’s been involved in some shady business dealings.” “He was simply lashing out at his own problems, which is what led to the whole pond thing.”Nevertheless, the environmental office dismissed its allegations after the pond was repaired. Ethan also persuaded me to drop the lawsuit in the interim. That boy has a gift for language. Brian, on the other hand, with his tail between his legs, skulked off to another state. Karen, however, started to visit frequently. She even began assisting me with pond maintenance, claiming it was the least she could do. Karen turned to face me and a twinkle appeared in her eye as we sat by the recently rebuilt pond one evening, watching the sunset reflected off the water. “You know, Margaret, I’m glad Brian messed with your pond. I never thought I’d say this.” I arched an eyebrow. Oh, I see. And why is it the case? She grinned. “Because I might not have realized what a wonderful neighbor I had right next door if he hadn’t.” We chuckled and clinked our glasses of iced tea. Who would have guessed that a small pond could be both so troublesome and beneficial? Thus, here I am, seventy-four years old, with a pond that has been restored, a new buddy, and a tale that will be discussed for years to come at family get-togethers. Indeed, life has a way of taking you by surprise. If there’s one thing to take away from all of this, believe me when I say this: you should never undervalue a resentful grandmother and a capable family lawyer!
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