Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
I Returned Home with My Daughter Only to Find Out My Husband Had Disappeared — the Reason Left Me Speechless
They say life can change in an instant. For me, that instant came on a Tuesday evening when I returned home from the park with my four-year-old daughter to find our apartment eerily quiet and my husband’s closet completely empty.
Have you ever had that feeling where your whole world shifts beneath your feet? Where everything you thought you knew suddenly doesn’t make sense anymore?
That’s exactly how I felt when I found that note from my husband, telling me he’d only return if I fulfilled “one request.”
A woman standing in her house | Source: Midjourney
I used to think I had a pretty good handle on my life.
At thirty, I had what most people would consider the whole package. A beautiful daughter, a stable marriage, and a cozy apartment in the city.
Sure, Jordan and I had our moments, like any couple married for six years, but we always worked through them.
I thought my life was going well until that Tuesday evening when my world came crashing down.
A woman standing near a window | Source: Pexels
“Mommy, can we go to the park?” Grace asked that afternoon, her big brown eyes pleading with me as she hugged her favorite stuffed rabbit. “Please? I want to show Mr. Hoppy the new swings!”
I smiled, setting aside the pile of laundry I’d been folding. “You know what? That sounds like a perfect idea.”
The park was just a few blocks from our apartment, and Grace chatted the whole way there about her day at daycare.
A black fence in a park | Source: Pexels
“And then Emma shared her cookies with me at snack time, and Miss Sarah said my drawing was the prettiest!”
“That’s wonderful, sweetie,” I laughed, swinging our joined hands between us. “Was it another unicorn drawing?”
“No, silly! It was our family,” she said. “You and me and Daddy and Mr. Hoppy!”
We spent nearly an hour at the park, Grace conquering the slide at least twenty times before I gave her several final pushes on the swings.
The late afternoon sun was starting to dip when I finally convinced her it was time to head home.
A girl blowing bubbles in a park | Source: Pexels
“But Mommy, just five more minutes?” she begged.
“Come on, munchkin. We need to start thinking about dinner.”
The first sign something was wrong came when we reached our floor. The door to our apartment was slightly ajar, which was unusual. Jordan was always careful about security.
“Jordan?” I called out as we stepped inside. “Hey, are you home early?”
Silence.
A woman standing in her house | Source: Midjourney
“Grace, honey, why don’t you go put Mr. Hoppy in your room?” I suggested, trying to keep my voice casual despite the growing unease in my stomach.
Something felt off.
As soon as Grace disappeared down the hall, I headed straight for our bedroom. But the sight that greeted me made my heart stop.
Jordan’s side of the closet was completely empty. His dresser drawers hung open, cleared out. His laptop was gone from his desk, along with the framed photo of us from our honeymoon that usually sat beside it.
A desk in a bedroom | Source: Midjourney
My hands were shaking as I noticed the piece of paper on his pillow. The message was brief, written in Jordan’s familiar scrawl.
I will return only if you fulfill ONE REQUEST.
I sank onto the edge of the bed, the note crumpling slightly in my trembling fingers. What was happening?
Jordan and I had argued about him working too much just last week, but we’d made up. Everything had been fine. Normal. Hadn’t it?
“Mommy?” Grace’s small voice came from the doorway. “Where’s all Daddy’s stuff?”
A little girl looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
I quickly stood up and forced a smile.
“Hey sweetie. Daddy… Daddy had to go away for a little while. But it’s okay. We’re okay.”
As I pulled her into a hug, I wondered if I was trying to convince her or myself. Either way, I had a sinking feeling that nothing was really okay at all.
My first instinct was to call Jordan’s cell. With Grace playing in her room, I paced our living room, listening to the rings until his voicemail picked up.
“Jordan, where are you? What’s going on? Please call me back immediately.”
A woman using her phone | Source: Pexels
I tried messaging him on every social platform we used, but nothing helped. After an hour of silence, I started calling his friends.
“Hey Mike, it’s Kathryn,” I said when his best friend answered. “Have you heard from Jordan today?”
“Kathryn? No, haven’t talked to him since last week’s game night. Everything okay?”
“I… I don’t know. He’s gone. Like, really gone. His clothes, his laptop… everything’s gone, and he left this weird note about coming back if I fulfill some request.”
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
There was a long pause. “What? That doesn’t sound like Jordan at all. Have you called Tom or Steve?”
I called everyone I could think of, but nobody had heard anything.
Finally, with my hands shaking, I dialed his parents’ number.
“Linda? It’s Kathryn,” I tried to keep my voice steady. “Is Jordan with you?”
“Jordan? No, honey. Is something wrong? You sound upset.”
An older woman talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
“He’s… he’s gone. I came home and all his things were gone. He left a note saying he’ll only come back if I fulfill some request, but I don’t know what he wants. I can’t reach him anywhere.”
“What do you mean, gone?” Linda’s voice rose with concern.
“Robert!” I heard her call to Jordan’s father. “Robert, come here. Something’s happened with Jordan.”
“We haven’t heard anything from him,” Robert’s gruff voice came on the line. “This isn’t like him at all. Have you called the police?”
“I… no, not yet. I kept hoping he’d call or come back or…”
A woman talking to her in-laws | Source: Midjourney
“Call them,” Robert interrupted firmly. “Right now. We’re coming over.”
I ended the call and dialed 911, my voice cracking as I explained the situation. Within thirty minutes, two officers were at our door – Officers Martinez and Chen according to their badges.
“Ma’am, can you tell us exactly what happened?” Officer Martinez asked, notebook in hand.
I recounted everything while Officer Chen examined the apartment.
A close-up shot of an officer’s uniform | Source: Pexels
Grace had fallen asleep on the couch, exhausted from the park and confused by all the commotion.
“And there were no signs of forced entry?” Officer Chen asked.
“No. He must have just… packed up and left while we were at the park.”
“Any recent arguments? Financial troubles? Signs of depression?”
I shook my head. “Nothing unusual. We had a small argument last week about his work hours, but we resolved it. Everything seemed fine.”
A woman talking to a police officer | Source: Midjourney
They took down all the information, but I could tell from their expressions that there wasn’t much they could do. Jordan was an adult who had left of his own accord.
“We’ll file a missing persons report,” Officer Martinez said gently, “but since there’s no sign of foul play…”
“I understand,” I whispered.
The next three days were a blur. I barely slept, jumping every time my phone buzzed. Jordan’s parents helped with Grace while I made more calls, checked our bank accounts, and tried to piece together any clues I might have missed.
Then came the doorbell on that third day.
A person ringing the doorbell | Source: Pexels
I rushed to answer it, hope surging in my chest, only to find a plain brown package on our welcome mat.
My heart pounded as I picked it up, already knowing somehow that it was from Jordan.
The package had a DNA test and a letter. I quickly took the letter out and read it.
A close-up shot of a handwritten letter | Source: Pexels
Dear Kathryn
I know this may come as a shock, but I need to know the truth. I’ve always suspected something.
Recently, I was looking through some old college photos of yours, and I saw your best friend from back then. As I looked at the picture, I couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance between her and Grace. Same hair color, same eyes, same nose.
I started wondering if Grace was not really my daughter.
I’m sorry, but I need you to do a DNA test for Grace. I can’t continue without knowing.
If you send me the results and they confirm I’m her father, I’ll return. If not, I can’t come back.
Please, send the results to the address below.
I couldn’t believe it.
A woman holding a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eight years together, and this was what he thought of me? Of our daughter? All because Grace happened to look like my old college friend?
I sat at our kitchen table, staring at that letter until the words blurred.
“You want proof?” I whispered to the empty room. “Fine. You’ll get your proof.”
I went ahead and did the DNA test. Not because Jordan wanted it. Because I wanted to prove how wrong he was.
I quickly took a cheek swab while Grace was sleeping. She barely stirred when I did it. Then, I sealed the sample and sent it for testing.
A woman sitting in her room | Source: Midjourney
While we waited for the results, I threw myself into keeping life normal for Grace. But at night, after she was asleep, the anger would come rushing back.
“Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?” Grace asked one morning over breakfast.
I smoothed her hair, fighting back tears. “I’m not sure, sweetie. But you know what? You and me… we’re going to be just fine.”
“Like Emma and her mommy?” she asked, referring to her friend from daycare whose parents had divorced last year.
“Maybe,” I said softly. “We’ll figure it out together.”
A woman talking to her daughter | Source: Midjourney
When the DNA results finally arrived, I wasn’t even surprised. Of course, Jordan was Grace’s father. I’d never had a single doubt.
But as I held those results in my hands, I realized something important. Proving Jordan wrong wasn’t going to fix what he’d broken.
I sat down at my laptop and began typing.
A woman typing a letter | Source: Pexels
Dear Jordan,
Here are your precious DNA results. Congratulations! You’re officially Grace’s biological father. But you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. A real father wouldn’t abandon his daughter over a paranoid suspicion. A real husband wouldn’t disappear and leave his family in panic. A real man wouldn’t hide behind notes and packages instead of having an actual conversation.
You wanted the truth? Here’s the truth: We don’t need you. I don’t want someone who could throw away eight years of love and trust because our daughter happens to look like my old friend. Grace deserves better than a father who could doubt her very existence. I deserve better than a husband who could think so little of me.
Don’t bother coming back. We’re done.
-Kathryn
A woman looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
I sent both the results and my letter to the address he’d provided. Then I blocked his number, called a lawyer, and started the process of filing for divorce.
That evening, as Grace and I sat coloring at the kitchen table, she looked up at me with those innocent eyes and asked, “Are you sad, Mommy?”
I thought about it for a moment.
“No, sweetie,” I replied, realizing it was true. “I’m not sad. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is say goodbye to something that’s not good for us anymore.”
She nodded sagely, in that way only four-year-olds can, and went back to her coloring.
A child coloring a rainbow | Source: Pexels
It’s been a week now, and I haven’t heard anything from Jordan. Maybe he’s ashamed. Maybe he’s angry. Maybe he’s relieved.
Honestly, I don’t care anymore. His disappearing act showed me exactly who he was, and his ridiculous demand proved what he thought of me.
Some people might think I’m being too harsh, cutting him out completely. But tell me, what would you do if someone you loved disappeared without a word, put you through days of panic and worry, only to demand a DNA test based on a photo resemblance? Would you take them back? Or would you do what I did and choose your own peace of mind?
All I know is that Grace and I are going to be just fine.
A woman sitting on the floor | Source Midjourney
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