Unique divorce announcement
Dear former partner,
I trust this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. It is with mixed emotions that I communicate my decision not to return to our shared abode. Reflecting on our seven years together, it is evident that change is inevitable, and in this case, it is necessary for both of us.
The recent fortnight has been quite tumultuous, culminating in a decisive moment when your manager called to inform me of your abrupt resignation. Upon your return home a week ago, my attempt to surprise you with your favorite dish and a fresh haircut went unnoticed. Clad in a pair of brand-new silk boxers, I hoped to rekindle the connection we once shared.
Regrettably, you devoured the meal in record time, indulged in your television dramas, and retired to bed without acknowledging the effort I put into the evening. Our communication has dwindled, expressions of love have become scarce, and our intimacy is but a distant memory. Whether this stems from infidelity or a loss of affection, I have chosen to part ways.
Wishing you a fulfilling journey ahead, your former partner.
P.S. Please refrain from attempting to locate me; your sister and I have decided to start anew in West Virginia. May life bring you joy.
To my previous spouse,
Your letter has undeniably added a touch of humor to my day. Despite the seven years of marriage, your perception of yourself as a kind and wonderful man hasn’t always aligned with reality.
Television dramas have been my escape from the constant complaints, although their effectiveness is inconsistent.
I did notice your new haircut last week, though my initial thought was that it had a surprisingly feminine touch!
My preference for TV dramas aside, I had to keep quiet about your attempt at preparing my favorite dinner since I gave up pork seven years ago. As for the silk boxers, the $49.99 price tag raised an eyebrow, especially considering my sister borrowed $50 from me that very morning.
Despite our differences, I held on to the belief that our love could endure. Imagine my surprise when, following my $10 million lottery win, I returned home to find you gone.
Everything happens for a reason, and I genuinely hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always sought. Please be aware that, as per my attorney, you won’t be receiving any money from me.
Wishing you luck on your journey, your ex-wife, liberated and prosperous.
P.S. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, my sister Carla was born Carl. I trust this revelation won’t pose any issues.
Another terrible loss for the Bryant family, sending prayers
Joe “Jellybean” Bryant, the father of the late Basketball Hall of Famer Kobe Bryant, has died at the age of 69, La Salle University’s athletics department reported.
Citing La Salle men’s head basketball coach Fran Dunphy, The Philadelphia Inquirer wrote Joe had recently suffered a stoke. The exact cause of death hasn’t been confirmed yet.
La Salle University, where Joe played and coached, said in a statement that he “was a beloved member of the Explorer family and will be dearly missed.”
Just like his famous son, Joe was a renowned basketball player himself. Drafted by the Golden State Warriors as the 14th overall pick in the 1975 NBA draft, he played for the Philadelphia 76ers for four seasons, the then-San Diego Clippers for three seasons, and the Houston Rockets for one season. He also played in Europe.
The 76ers paid tribute to Joe, calling him “a local basketball icon, whose legacy on the court transcended his journey across Bartram High School, La Salle University, and his first four NBA seasons with the 76ers from 1975-79.”
Joe’s sudden passing comes four years after the tragic death of his son Kobe and his granddaughter Gianna, who were killed in a helicopter crash with seven other people.
Kobe’s widow, Vanessa Bryant, wrote on her Instagram story on Tuesday, “Sending our condolences upon hearing the news of my father-in-law’s passing.
“We hoped things would’ve been different. Although the times we spent together were few, he was always sweet and nice to be around. Kobe loved him very much.”
Former Kobe teammate Doug Young praised Joe as the ideal “role model.”
“Joe was our JV coach at Lower Merion and I could not have asked for a more positive mentor, teacher, and role model,” Young told ESPN. “It’s difficult to overstate how much he influenced me and my teammates. He made basketball fun and made us all want to be better; he believed in us. I’ll never forget his infectious smile, his bear hugs and the incredible bond he shared with Kobe. Growing up in Lower Merion, there was no family we loved and admired more than the Bryants, and that started with Joe.”
Arn Tellem, the vice chairman of the Pistons and formerly Kobe Bryant’s agent, expressed his sadness over the loss of Joe and joined the basketball community in mourning a true Philly hoops legend. “Our friendship opened the door for me to represent Kobe as he entered the NBA, a memory I’ll always cherish. Joe was a devoted husband, father and grandfather, whose warmth touched everyone he met.”
May he rest in peace.
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