Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
My Children Returned Home to Discover Our Neighbors Dumping Dirt into Our Lake, Fate Dealt with Them Before I Had the Chance
When Bethany moved into her dream home with her two sons, Austin and Sheldon, she imagined peaceful days by the lake. However, their neighbors, Oswald and Patricia, quickly turned their new life into a nightmare. Just when things seemed hopeless, an unexpected turn of events taught the neighbors a memorable lesson.
Bethany was excited to give her boys, ages 10 and 12, a life filled with nature. The beautiful backyard lake was a big part of that dream. The boys were eager to fish and boat, begging for a canoe. The first few weeks were wonderful. The kids enjoyed catching frogs and playing by the water. But soon, they met Oswald and Patricia, who clearly disapproved of their presence. Oswald accused them of “hogging” the lake, claiming it was his and warning them to keep away.
Confused and hurt, Bethany tried to explain that the realtor had said they all shared access to the lake. But Oswald only grew more hostile, declaring that if he saw the kids near the water again, there would be consequences.
With a heavy heart, Bethany had to tell her sons to stay away from the lake, which devastated them. Just a few days later, while they were fishing, Oswald yelled at them, claiming they were polluting his lake with their fishing gear. The boys were shocked and upset.
Then one day, Bethany spotted Oswald erecting a fence down the middle of the lake, dividing it. Furious, she confronted him, explaining that the lake belonged to both properties. Oswald dismissed her concerns, insisting he would do whatever he wanted.
Feeling defeated, Bethany took the boys to visit her sister for a night, hoping the neighbors would back off. However, when they returned, they found an excavator filling in their half of the lake with dirt.
Panic set in as Bethany rushed to the workers, demanding they stop. One worker told her they were just following orders. To her horror, Oswald appeared, smiling as he claimed he was getting rid of the lake because it lowered his property value.
As the excavator worked, the water level on Oswald’s side began to rise rapidly, flooding his yard and soon his house. He yelled for help as chaos unfolded around him. The workers panicked as they realized they had miscalculated the water displacement. Watching Oswald struggle in the rising water filled Bethany with a sense of justice. Once the workers left, she quickly hired her own team to restore her section of the lake.
Within days, the water was back to normal, and the boys were happily fishing and playing again. Meanwhile, Oswald and Patricia had to leave their home for weeks to repair the damage caused by the flooding. In the end, Bethany felt relieved that the ordeal was over. Her sons could enjoy their little slice of nature again, and she was reminded that sometimes, karma finds a way to balance things out.
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